Rubble of the times

It’s been quite a few weeks. I’m equating it to a massive earthquake that shook things up for my world in ways I’d never have imagined.

I first heard of Charlie Kirk from Bob not too long ago. He found him somehow and shared a few clips of him explaining his faith.

This faith journey I’ve found myself on has been many things: unexpected, life-changing, freeing, and scary. I love listening to others who hold deep convictions, especially how they discuss them in a world that basically dismisses the Bible as nonsense.

I am still wrapping my head around my own personal experiences, so articulating them is something I need to work on.

The number and nature of murders this year have been beyond alarming. They have increasingly escalated my horror at how despicable humans can be to each other. Anxieties have spiked simply for being a person of faith. When I go to church, a faith-based event, or sit in adoration, the reality that anyone could walk in at any time and start firing a gun is beyond unnerving.

Reading revolting comments on social media feeds that contain faithful content cuts me to the core—comments filled with unimaginable darkness. Don’t people understand that this is feeding the hatred and encouraging people with ill intent? Even the less aggressive words that condemn churches in their entirety, blame them for morality issues, and generalize all priests as pedophiles – these lay blame on entities and not on the broken humans who commit heinous acts. Acts that, rightfully, cause an uproar for justice.

There is a lot at stake in our world, and there are serious issues at hand.

But, to me, murder is not the answer. Mental and spiritual health is, again, to me, at the root of all that is falling apart. We need to be grounded in love in order to move forward in a way that is not wrought with destruction.

I get that not everyone agrees with me, and that’s ok. Many people I love hold views that I strongly disagree with. Fortunately, however, we live in a country where we should all be able to hold our beliefs, as long as no harm is done to others.

Interestingly, it seems that the word 'harm' has become somewhat subjective these days. As has the word ‘truth.’ Personal truths are driving the trajectory. With personal truths running the gamut, it’s hard to feel safe or find order among the masses.

Order cannot be found without structure. Structure comes from formats that are agreed upon. If there is no agreement, there can be no order.

I didn't know a lot about Charlie Kirk. I saw the conviction in his faith and watched some interviews. Clearly, my opinion on things doesn’t align with that of some others. A truth applicable to many pressing societal issues.

But to receive messages questioning my ability to discern, or to be accused of supporting fascism and white supremacy, is absolutely ludicrous, especially by loved ones.

It IS possible to align with some things that another person thinks, but not everything they believe. Ironically, I now know more about CK than I ever would have on my own, had he not been murdered.

I am not political by choice. I feel truth is impossible to find in any political camp. I think everything gets distorted and twisted based on agenda, and that there are always underlying things we never know about. I feel propaganda and all the “socials” are being driven by opposing forces vying for our panicked attention to jump on bandwagons and support their supposed quest to save America. Basically, I think most of it is a farce.

Which, by the way, is a stance I took decades ago after trying hard as a single, working mom to really learn and understand politics and back the right pony. Which didn’t go well. Trying to learn about what goes on in the political world created incredible stress.  It’s not an arbitrary, lazy, or uneducated choice that I’ve made.

Example: When they wanted to allow motorized vehicles on the horse trails in our NH town, I could only go so many rounds at town meetings before all my energy was expended at trying not to swear at the condescending, uncaring people in charge, while simultaneously trying to contain my anger that was escalating by the second. My nature is not beneficial in that genre.

In addition, working for a small-town municipality in NH for years opened my eyes to A LOT of things that left a terribly bad taste. That experience basically solidified my earlier beliefs in the crookedness of the politics of government.

I know where I do and don’t belong in order to be helpful. Ask me about your dog or horse's health, nutrition, and behavior, and I promise - I have some valuable things to share. Or come to me with your broken heart, and I can be an excellent tender of emotions.

So I do my best at voting time to be as informed as resources allow and try to make the best choice. I appreciate those who dedicate their lives to being involved and shaping our society in a way that benefits everyone. I truly do. They are a different animal, as the saying goes. We all have our gifts and natural tendencies.

Some things are so deeply personal that some of us contribute from a quiet place in certain arenas. In other aspects, we may be loud and noisy, but we are all created differently, and our involvements are best reflected accordingly.

Being in the sixth decade of my life is proving to be, let’s say, an interesting ride. The wisdom I expected at this age is not what I thought it would be; it is actually more profound. There is a subtlety that has snuck in, a softness that’s rounded off the hard edges I was once proud of. My energy has changed, understandably, and it's now pretty easy to reserve it for certain things. I am also becoming a masterful constructor of boundaries.

Much of these wonderful changes I attribute to my faith. A faith that actually found me, at a time when I thought my world had come to a bitter end, and I was left with a scary, blank slate that made no sense. And even in times like these, when I still can’t make much sense, the softness surrounds me, and I am ok. Eventually. As we all will be. Hopefully.