Falls and Foundations

Lol, seriously tho...this picture resonates:

Been going through it lately.

We've all been there. When things get hard at every turn and you feel like running til you find relief.

Yah, that's me these days.

And I figure, I'm not the only one who has found themself in a season that feels heavier than it should.

Won't go listing all the "stuff" that's been coming at me, but suffice it to say, staying upright-ish has been the main focus. Staying "grounded" has taken second place because I have found that it's hard to be grounded if you aren't upright.

So upright has been the daily goal.

Small victories are still victories.

Although, truthfully, I felt more like this picture on most days.

The good thing is at least I don't respond the way I did years ago, before I was reshaped in the aftermath of my wreck. I used to turn to things that weren't good for me which only added to the damage.

At least now, I know the truth and value of self-care, even if I still have to fight feeling that it's "selfish" to give yourself what you need to in order to keep your head above water.

I'm still figuring a lot of things out. I'm not who I want to be yet, but I'm better than I used to be. It's not just a good song...the message keeps me tethered to hope.

I'm WAY behind in my book after Austin's diagnosis and the routine care he's needed, which is a LOT. I don't mind it, but it has re-routed life in a major way lately. He is doing amazingly well, figuring out his new world with his nose and ears, bumping into things with a bravery that both breaks my heart and inspires me. He is still a spitfire Ambassador of Happy.

Man, I love that little dog so very much.

It's not just the logistics that are tough but so is being emotionally blindsided by how healthy and spry he was one day and then, boom, blind the next.

I've had a lot of animals, but this event has sent me reeling in an unexpected way.

It'll all be fine, one way or another, I know. Nature is nature and I'm a seasoned animal person, so I'm prepared on most levels. It's just that some levels are taking more time to adjust and requiring more heart work than I anticipated.

Also, for the first time in a long time, I went radio silent on my faith journey.

I was angry. Angry at God. Angry at life. Angry at the unfairness and unexpected timing of another heart wrenching challenge. Things didn't go completely dark. I kept reaching for some kind of light in places, but things dimmed substantially for longer than they have in years.

I stayed connected to my faith as best as I could, despite wanting to curse and abandon it, feeling it had let me down. (As if faith could actually let me down.) But my grip was loose and shaky.

Which, frankly, was scary.

However, fear can be a good motivator, and that's what it was for me. Because eventually I dug deeper, went back to more reading and talking with God, back to church, and remembered to just sit, breathe and listen. The light was still there, flickering and dim, but enough to remind me that it never goes out.

I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on my way. I’ll get back to being grounded on the firm foundation God has been helping me build. Foundations don’t fall overnight, and they don’t rebuild overnight either—but they do rise again with the right work.

I have to remember He never leaves us, and His foundation is sturdy and reliable.

Something I had forgotten when things got rocked and cracked open these last few weeks.

So, I am doing my best to adjust to this new life with a blind dog and get back to my writing. I'm still hoping to meet my self-imposed deadline to have a finished first draft product to bring to the Blue Ridge Writers Conference at the end of May. But if I don't, then God's got me on a detour I wasn't aware of.

Life is hard. We all need to work at building a strong foundation. And we all need to give ourselves grace, and whatever self-care can gently carry us until we find our footing again. It doesn't hurt to help good people around you that help you stay "upright," and maybe even help you laugh at the madness going on around us all.

Now, if someone could please come pick this ladder up off of me, that'd be great.